L I F E

Over the years I have done a lot of hiking through the mountains in this part of the world. One of the highlights is reaching a peak or summit after pushing so hard to climb for so long. The view is spectacular, the sense of accomplishment is so great. There is also a sense in which ones body feels like an instrument under your control instead of how it so often is, a burden that holds you back. Sometimes the destination is clear and you press on with the end in sight and there are other times when where you are going is lost in the fog but you press on by faith not sight, believing your compass rather than your intuition.

There are other times when hiking through the Alps is not like that. The day starts sunny and there is clarity only for it to give way to mist and haze and no matter what one does or how hard one works you can not reach the destination and one simply gives up, turns back and experiences defeat. It is at times like that you try to rationalize why it failed, blame the weather or try to convince yourself it is not really a failure but rather a time to learn something from the experience. Deep down though it is experienced as a failure in your heart.

To be honest this is how I feel now in my ministry of Church planting in Croatia.

My co-workers Bob and Nancy have had to move to Budapest and no matter how I rationalize it the sense of being left behind has effected the work here in our Fellowship.

I have lost now my major support source which made up about 60% of my financial income and it really is awful as I am now trying sell vitamin pills to keep going.. and trying to find some other extra jobs..

But more than these, I feel as if I am loosing my way spiritually. Missionaries often refer to Croatia as the "Graveyard" of missions in Europe and it really is. It is not just that the people are hard to reach with a message of Grace it is as if everything that we engage with here is spiritually against us walking in victory.

My country is one that has been wounded by war from the outside and has wounded itself by its spiritual pride from the inside. Jesus weeps over Croatia as He did over Jerusalem part for their destruction part for their hardness of heart. I am willing to press on in the fog but I need, I desperately need, help.